Monthly Archives: July 2013

The Lighthouse

I am in a lighthouse. I am standing in a large window with no glass, its like an inverted balcony overlooking the ocean. It is dark outside so all I can see is the light cast from the lighthouse and then a vast darkness far beyond what I can comprehend. It looks lonely out there. I remember thinking that if I could go anywhere in the world it would not be out there. I would miss people. Just as this thought crosses my mind I feel a hand slide across my lower back. This is such an intimate gesture. For a second I find myself a little confused. Then I look to the left, the opposite way the hand moved, and see a man standing there. Even in this dream-like state my consciousness thinks “you were on the bus!” His dark brown hair is mussed atop of his head and I find my hand reaching out to tangle it even more. My back is to the open window but I know that I will be okay. I trust this man more than I could possibly explain.

“Why is the universe so cruel?” I ask, looking into his hazel eyes. He smiles, which confuses me. “Don’t smile! I’m serious!”

“I am too,” he pauses, biting his lip. I watch as his smile travels into his eyes. “I don’t think the universe is cruel. I think it is right. We may not be allowed to be together in public but that’s okay… because it is the small, intimate moments such as this that make me like you so much. Yes, I want to be able to shout it to the world… actually…” He stops and looks right at me. I know he can see me. Every part of me.

He turns, puts his hands in a cup-like motion around his mouth, and yells “I AM IN LOVE WITH ASHLY BLAKE” and I listen in astonished silence as his words echo through the lighthouse and across the vast, lonely ocean.

And then I woke up.

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The Pianist

I am sitting in the middle of a stage on a piano bench. The curtains are down and my anticipation is up. My fingers are neatly poised upon the piano keys and my eyes are glued to the bottom of the curtain. The lights are shut off and I am enveloped in this strange half-light/half-dark state. My heart is racing. I am ready. I discreetly nod but I know that my stage manager will see it and open the curtain. As I think this the curtains begin to rise and a bright light attacks my senses. I take in a deep breath and allow my eyes to adjust to the stage lights. It is time.

I smile at nothing in particular and then begin the composition. My fingers are fluttering across the keys as if they are the feathers of a bird, gentle yet strong in the presence of the wind. Willing to hold the bird in the air. Graceful and powerful all at the same time.

It is then that I start singing. There is a vibration deep in my chest and in the front pockets of my face. I am the instrument. I close my eyes as the feeling of playing the piano and singing at the same time cascade through my body. There is nothing in the entire world that can create this feeling of wholeness. I know I must stop soon and that saddens me more than it probably should, so I enjoy it for a few more moments.

And then I woke up.

Time

I am in New York City. I am standing beside M&M World’s in Times Square. It is late at night and the streets are barren. I am confused. This is the city that never sleeps and I appear to be the only person awake! For a moment I close my eyes and simply listen to my surroundings. I hear a can rolling across the street not too far from me. I know that I must go there, so I open my eyes and follow my ears to get to my destination. As I approach this coca cola can I am acutely aware that I am no longer alone. A creepy-crawly sensation drives through my spine as I prolong my walk for a long moment. I turn my head slowly in all directions, allowing my senses to scan the area. It is in this distinct second that I realize what my super power is. I can control time. Thus, this person that is pressing on my “warning button” should not be here. I am in control here and there is no room for another.

I close my eyes, yet again and listen for any sign of movement. When nothing returns signals to my brain I decide on another tactic.

“Who are you?” I whisper, probing the area. Suddenly the can stops its roll. If a pen were to drop in the center of Times Square the sound would echo.

“I am life and I am here to tell you that you cannot control something you do not quite understand.”

And then I woke up.

Journey to Nowhere

I am on a train and I have no idea where I am going. I told the attendant to give me a ticket to somewhere and not tell me where it is. So, here I am. I have a backpack with a lighter, bread, water, wallet, two books, a journal, and a pen. This is a journey. I keep telling myself that there is no need to fear the future. The future is a kind and gentle beast that allows you to continue living.

I am sitting down in a cart by myself but as I said before I am on a journey. Being that I am on a journey I realize that I am in some serious need to know myself. Thus, in a brave attempt to go outside of the box I get up from my cart and go into another.

“May I sit here?” I ask the older gentlemen. He is reading a book and without looking up he says “yup!” I nod and take a seat by the window. I sit for a moment in uncomfortable silence and stare out the window at the passing terrain. I am trying to convince myself that I do not have to talk to this man and that I can start reading if I need to.

“Come here often?” He asks and I look at him. He has a twinkle in his eye and a genuine smile across his face. I recognize him but I cannot place him.

“Do I know you?” I question. Suddenly, I realize that he is my best friend, Grant. I stare down at my hands to see if I am just as old as he and realize that I am not. “How are you- How did you-“

He stops me and says “Life works in many ways, Ashly. You have so much more to do. I cannot hold you back any longer.”

And then I woke up.

Military Base

I am on a military base but I am not in the military. I am looking for one of my best friends. I know she is going to be sent off today and I have to find her. Instead, I run into another one of my best friends and he introduces me to this girl. The girl’s name, for the sake of this post, will be Sarah. When Sarah walks away to go to the restroom my male best friend, Grant, informs me that he is “courting” Sarah. I tell him that she is a very attractive girl. I then tell him that I am looking for Lana, whom he “courted” in the past. Grant did not know that Lana planned on going into the military . I could tell it freaked him out a little bit that the two of them were present in the same place. However, before Grant could say anything Sarah came back. I told Sarah about Lana and she had an idea of where Lana would be and therefore decided she would show me.

The two of us left Grant and went on our journey. In the middle of it Sarah announced to me that she found me to be the “prettiest woman she had ever seen.” I thanked her and carried on my merry way. I finally found Lana, eating and sat down to converse with her. The only thing I distinctly remember from that conversation is “you better enjoy this meal because you won’t get this in boot camp.”

And then I woke up.

Channeling Spirits

I am asleep but I am not asleep. I am in bed, half awake and am more aware of my surroundings than one who is asleep should ever be. I keep thinking “I’m sorry” in reference to my best friend, who happened to be spending the night that night. I am disturbing her slumber because I am channeling spirits into the room. I could not stop. My senses are being overtaken by the spirits and I am completely out of control.

And then I woke up.

As a News Reporter

I’m a news reporter. I’m standing outside of a religious place and know that a woman fell down the driveway. It was raining. I walked into the space and looked around. It was a classroom that was separated by a see-through soundproof glass where children could play while the people in the classroom studied. I knew I was not allowed to go upstairs because I was not of this specific religion. I also knew that the woman had been working towards becoming a part of this religion and was almost to the point of membership in which she could enter the holy temple, which I also knew was up the stairs.

I interviewed the priest on her death and he said “Mary was a lovely woman. She asked me what she could do to become a part of our temple and I told her all she needed to do was prove to God that she belonged there.” 

And then I woke up.

Worth Fighting For

We were walking down the street. He turned, looked at me and said “Ash, please be with me” and I stopped. I looked at him for a moment and this large pool of guilt flashed through my entire body. “Don’t take this the wrong way but I need to think about.” If I said yes to him then I would be letting someone else go and at that very moment I did not know who would be worth fighting for.

And then I woke up.

What I should do versus What I want to do

I’m on the bus. It is a normal, yellow bus. I’m not quite sure where we are going or why we are there but I am sitting beside a man. He is an attractive man. He has brown shaggy hair and I know who he is but I cannot say who he is. We are not supposed to be together because our best friends would be very angry. We are holding hands. Our hands are on the seat, squished between our thighs. No one can see; no one is allowed to see. We sit like strangers on a bus in the middle of a large city. I look out the window. I can’t look at him because I know we can’t be together. As much as I want to cherish this moment, I know that I should not enjoy it. The bus comes to a stop and my body jolts forward. There, standing on the curb, in the pouring rain is the man that I am supposed to be with.

And then I woke up.