It is a strange thing when you are dreaming but it seems so real. I sat in the chair and I listened to every problem she had. There was boyfriend drama and tears. I gave her a hug and told her everything would be okay. I laughed with her and I cried with her. I think the moment I realized it was a dream was the moment I got angry.
She was sitting on my floor staring up at me. She said that he cheated on her and deep inside of me I felt this pain. It was pain leftover from when I had been cheated on. I felt it escape that box that we hide our unwanted emotions in. I felt it spread throughout my entire body and fill me to the brim with an intense sense of hurt. After that I felt anger. How dare he? We were in love! We were dating for three years; we were supposed to get married! Everything hurt. I felt myself roll over in reality but I was stuck in this dream. I could not escape.
“Let’s go find him,” I said. I felt the anger travel to my eyes and pierce right into hers. She nodded and grabbed my hand so I could help pull her up from the floor. It was then that I realized I had been drinking. The room spun for a second but I caught myself and followed her out of the room.
The next thing I knew I was standing before him.
“What is wrong with you?” I whispered. I was projecting my emotions onto him, trying to get him to feel the pain that I felt… that she felt. I had somehow transformed into her and we became a unit of anger. I couldn’t even see her. I was just angry FOR her.
He looked at me, eyes dead center with mine and stated: “I think you are asking the wrong question. There is nothing wrong with me. What is wrong with you?”
And then I woke up.
I am a bird. I am soaring high above the Earth and I can see everything. Up here I am in complete control. Nothing can touch me and no one can bother me. The sky is like my own little sanctuary. During my flight I come to the realization that I can do anything I want. I could literally be a “fly on the wall” for the most intimate conversations. So, I fly down to a random house in the middle of Arizona and perch on their windowsill. There is a little bit of arguing and then a woman comes rushing into the room. She slams the door shut. I watch as she falls into her bed and begins crying. She is hyperventilating as well as pounding her fists repeatedly into the pillows beside her. I feel empathetic, staring in at her from my little spot.
“I can’t handle this much longer,” she finally screams. She is physically releasing emotion into the air around her. I can feel it like it’s static electricity gliding across my feathers. I squawk at her but she can’t hear me through her screaming. I want to help. I need to help. What if she does something unintelligent? What if she tries to kill herself? I start flapping my wings incessantly, attempting to get her attention. The form of the bird once felt free but now I only feel trapped. I cannot save her. I cannot escape from the inside of my prison. I cannot help my fellow human being because I am not a human being right now. I am a bird. A bird with the ability to be human, but physically cannot be.
And then I woke up.
I am sitting at a round, wooden table with seven other people. I recognize each of their faces and I know that I am the leader here. Much like King Arthur, I sit with them as equals even though I am the one in charge. We have been receiving a lot of threats lately. I know that someone wants me dead. It is a personal threat and I fear bringing it to the table but in that same breath I know I must.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it has been brought to my attention that Prince Braden wants me dead. He has threatened me via letter and other small coincidences on the street. I am not going to change my day for this man and I will not appear weak by going into hiding. If he comes, he comes. You need to be well-aware that if he outsmarts me then I may not make it. I expect none of you to fight my personal battle and there will be no change in your routines either. While it is a matter of the kingdom it is also a matter of personal grievances and I will not mix the two together. Understood?”
Each of the knights nod and while I could tell they did not agree they also did not question my judgement. I nod back in acknowledgement and then rise from my position to take care of some other business.
It is then that I am walking down a dimly lit hallway. There are candles lining the wall and I am wearing a night gown of some sort. Why am I up so late? I think as I stroll through the halls. It is then that I begin to feel this panic deep in my chest but I stand straight and tall. I will not show the fear that I am facing. I am not running and I will not run. No one is with me and I do not think any one knows that I am in danger.
Someone grabs my arm and yanks me back. I turn and see that my attacker is wearing all black, including a dark hood with a face mask. I do not scream nor fight, merely face him.
“I am going to ask you to let go of my arm one time” I threaten. I can feel the energy and intensity in my eyes as I stare at him. I cannot see the color of his eyes, only a shadow of where I think his eyes should be.
He laughs for a moment. “You’re coming with me,” he states quietly but his voice is strong. I pull my arm towards me, making him move towards me. I use the momentum of my pull to strengthen my punch and hit him in the face. His head rocks back for a moment but he is a warrior and grabs my wrist. I fall back, trying to use my weight to make him let go of my arms but he is trained for military combat. I am too but I am smaller than him and it is going to take an intelligent, sneaky move for me to get away from him.
“Are you done?” He questions, which pisses me off but I push my emotions back and look at him like the leader I am.
“I will never be done”
And then I woke up.