I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m being held under water but the sensation against my skin is that of air. I gulp, thinking water will enter my lungs but I receive nothing. Not air, not water, but free space. I am drowning outside of water. I open my eyes and see nothing but white. In this moment I know I am going to die.
Suddenly, I begin to do something that I have not done in a very, very long time. I start praying. I am pleading, begging to believe in something. Is it God? Is it fate? I do not know. I start thinking about all of the beliefs of my friends and wishing I had thought about this sooner. I am beginning to understand what an eternity of “nothing” can feel like and I do not want it. This cannot be my fate.
“Please,” I gasp but there is no sound in this plain. I feel my heart beating against my chest, at a pace I never thought it would go, it too is begging for ANYTHING… just a little bit of oxygen. Just when I think I am going to explode into a million pieces dots begin to form in my vision. I am going to pass out and then I will die. However, those dots begin to make forms. First, I see grass forming and then trees growing. This is followed by the beginning of a lovely stream and then I start to materialize as if I had never been there in the first place. Then, I take a breath and it is the sweetest thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. I fall to my hands and knees, feeling the grass beneath my hands creates an air of appreciation within me.
“Never again,” I say. The sound of my voice frightens me for a moment because it is raspy and clearly out-of-practice.
“I won’t ever betray you again,” and then a cold, harsh laugh sounds somewhere to my left. I begin to turn my head to see the figure looming over me when he says “yes you will, which is why we must do this again.”
And then I woke up.